I had a hot date with my hubby at lunch today. I was a little disappointed that it did not in with necking in the back seat of the car. I wonder if he still likes me? I heard he necked with Julie at homecoming... what's wrong with me?!??! Anyway, I have flex time at work and because work owes me time, I could take a nice long lunch with this incredible man I call my lervemunkee.
I also ran my 10k well tonight. And who was there with me? Lervemunkee. He's much better than I am. Wait...NO... so not true. He's much FASTER that I am. I'm actually the better runner. I sleep in and run later, I always stop to fart, and I run to Russian folk songs and French children's songs. This makes me better! His running with me was his way of inspiring me to not fall asleep while I run and he could just have an easy run.
I can't really tell you what I thought about as I was bitching to my inner self about a woman at work who seriously needs to be throttled. I cannot blog about work as I enjoy my employment. And while I want her throttled and I can vent by running and planning her throttling, I am not so inhuman that I would ever want her to read my bitchiness. So, all you can know is that when I get angry and pissy, I tend to run faster.
As I was icing my leg, and by icing my leg, I do not mean I was spreading a big can of frosting over my leg, but that sounds fun. ... As I was icing my leg, I was watching my sweet baboo, my lervemunkee, my Australian-pithicus watch the State of Origin match (yawn) and I realized that I owed you an explanation on how I married a guy I met on the internet who inconveniently lived in Marsupialopia.
1) Fall 2000: A friend comes over with a Time magazine and some article about online dating. She said she is trying it but wants to have a friend do the same, too. I have been on too many lame-o set ups that I was game for anything that didn't involve the nosy parents of my students.
I looked at the various sites. Okay, they're all cheesy. I was going to have to embrace the cheese. I picked Udate. It's defunct now. OR bought out by another company. But anyway, Udate it was.
I diddle around with my profile. Decide it's as good as it's going to get and this will be fun even if it doesn't work, because hey... some of those photos those boys were putting up were priceless! And I have the right attitude... a bad date makes a great story.
I find the perfect photos of me and put them up. As you can see, I was trying to convey the image of a demure texan belle. I thought surely this would explain to most that I am not a fluffy dollop of doe-eyed puppy cream. I also chose the name "Aschenputtel" for Cinderella. I studied the artificial fairy tale of Germany when I dallied in graduate school.
Do you know how these things are set up? They have their own email system and chat system. Udate called their chat "whisper." I'm not keen on whispering. You say whisper, and I flashback to first grade and some person's hot breath moistening up my ears. Ew. So, I'm stuck. EtC... Embrace the cheese! Now while I thought my photos would filter out those that want a hot chick and my name would just bore the jerks, I didn't realize that men are pretty keen on talking to anything... ANYTHING THAT BREATHES!
I remember this opening whisper... "Hey, is that a Texas ass you have?" Why, yes it is. Let's meet and suck face, you're so brainy, I love you but don't want to commit, you can see other women while I just wait for you.... Now, the bonus to online dating is the ability to block someone. You try that in a bar or just on a blind date set up by parents of your students, you could be in trouble. Face to face, you have to be nice. Pah. DELETE! BLOCK! GAWN! And I became skilled in the way of blocking.
Then I get this... "Do you like the way your legs burn when you get to the bottom of a hill?"
Huh? Someone read my profile and saw that I liked to ski and wrote about that? No reference to my butt? No, "you seem like you like to party." Yeah, I don't use 'party' as a verb. I can't.
So... Let's look at this guy's profile... Australia? Excellent. Won't ever have to meet him. See, you exchange a few emails and people want to meet. Not me. I am all about not meeting. Once we meet, it's just a big gelatinous glob of disappointment. Let's see... there's the guy who told me his car is one of only 5 in Texas of this make and then he proceeded to then "wink" at another car like his as he was taking me all over the farm roads outside Dallas. Wink by doing one headlight down. Oh my great googlymoogly! Do men think this is cool? There's the guy who told me I could be funny if I weren't so sarcastic. He could be interesting if he weren't so boring. The FBI guy who was involved with the TX savings and loan bust ups who could only tell me his philosophy of child rearing. I was a teacher. I don't want to talk this crap outside of my work. And he wore a Bill Cosby sweater...sorry, I just couldn't. Is wrong to show lack of interest? Why drag it on?
A guy from Australia... Great! Chat, email... never meet. Look at his photo... Oh, perfect. Not really a hottie. Kind of dumpy. Excellent. I won't have lusty thoughts about some guy in a far faraway land. Perfect.
We end up chatting and emailing for a year. He'd tell me about his dating and his successes and I'd tell him about how I think everyone is scum and Dallas men annoy the hell out of me. I'd wake up at 4:30 to get ready for the gym, and while I ate breakfast and waited for the breakfast blast to clear me to head to the gym, we'd IM. He was getting ready for bed. I don't think he knew that I was chatting with him with goo in my eyes, sloppily chugging muesli and waiting to poop. Somethings even I don't share on the internet... ahem.
He'd advise me and listen as I cried about a guy who really hurt me, and I'd tell him what I think a woman really meant when she said something that confused him.
Summer came, I had decided that teaching forever was not in my blood and I quit, sold my house, and moved to Ohio to start school at OSU. I studied at Miami U for ugrad, hated that place and was hoping another Ohio attempt could cure my Miami ills. Oh, and I had a good friend in Columbus.
to be continued next week....part two: the exciting bits
Katy decides to create a second profile, the anti-Katy
Mark and Katy decide to meet early October 2001... an ideal time for international travel
Mark breaks Katy's face